i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
why is half of my head shaved?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
