Define "chronic" masturbator.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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