You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
