drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
