Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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