My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
