I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
