Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
