He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
