ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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