I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
