I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
