He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
