Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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