why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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