yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
