we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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