If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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