Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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