guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
