I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
