You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
