I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
