IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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