There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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