look no pants
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
