Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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