hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
