She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
