I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
