When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
