hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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