It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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