my room smells like sperm. sweet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
