My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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