I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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