We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
