awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
