Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize