Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
