i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
