Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
