I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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