I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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