i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
