I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
