I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
