and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
