the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
