I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
