I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
