I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
