I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
