you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
