I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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