I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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