we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
