i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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