I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
