She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
