I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
