Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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