The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize