When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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