Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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