Do you still have your period?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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