respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
